Monday, January 16, 2017

Heart of Gold

George Eliot once said, ~Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.~ If you think about it, when it comes to the matters of the heart it can at times feel as if you're a prospector panning for a strong, worthwhile relationship worth it's weight in gold. What's primarily being panned for the is the absolute comfort in knowing and truly feeling a sense of safety without having one's own thoughts, feelings, and/or emotions not only being weighed but measured as well, in a manner of speaking. However, there's most definitely a reason to celebrate when suddenly finding yourself in all intense and purposes striking it rich after constantly sifting through the proverbial dark and murky stream otherwise known as the dating scene.

As I said before, when it comes to matters of the heart it can feel as if you're a prospector panning for a strong, worthwhile relationship worth its weight in gold. True, it can certainly be a tough and not to mention frustrating situation indeed for those living the single life panning through the waters of the dating scene because of how dark, as well as murky it can be. Essentially, one hopefully finds within the so called dating scene stream of murky darkness after sifting through it all are the bright, rich elements considerably important in one's own pan, representing the human heart. Thinking about it further, the bright and rich elements such as patience, trust, respect, faith, love, honor, honesty, hope, intimacy, understanding, compassion, contentment, communication etc. have been deemed considerably rare, as well as hard to find these days; but at the same time its out there waiting to be found if one doesn't give up entirely.

Without a doubt, a prospector will come up empty and depending how long that streak will last it leads to a plethora of mixed emotions. Oftentimes it's those aforementioned mixed emotions like anger, doubt, frustration, sadness, disappointment, utter contempt, bitterness, etc. happen when coming up empty in regards to panning for then sifting through the golden possibility of true happiness. Unfortunately, finding the right spot/location doesn't always pan out, so to speak, whereby the determination to keep going gradually becomes lost. I think it's safe to say the same can be said when it comes to the mindset that there aren't any good men or women where he/she is currently located. You see, with the use of social media nowadays an individual can now make his/her attempt behind a computer to digitally pan for and inevitably sift through the dark, murky online stream of Facebook, Instagram, eHarmony, OKCupid, Plenty Of Fish, Tinder,, etc. in hopes to strike it rich.

Let me ask his question to my fellow prospectors out there, do you know what mineral pyrite or iron pyrite is? If you answered fools gold then you would be correct as the mineral's metallic luster and pale brass-yellow hue give it a superficial resemblance to gold. In a sense, men and women can certainly think they've struck it rich only to be totally fooled by the superficial outward appearance regarding a potential forever best friend. Granted, it can be quite difficult to differentiate between what's real and not real because of how easily foolish one can sometimes be into thinking along with feeling he/she may have a relationship that's good as gold. What it primarily comes down to is taking the time and having the patience to pan for then sift through with careful hands or should I say a careful heart in making the proper judgment on whether the quintessential mineral tests concerning the guy/girl in question come out to be 100% pure gold.

In retrospect, being a prospector in search of gold is a daunting task that can take months or maybe even years of their lives to where they may possibly see absolutely no results to show in their efforts, which is s profession of highs and lows. However for those living the single life like myself it may take months or even years all the while experiencing the highs and lows of dating to one day strike it rich in love/true love. It's a sad state of affair when people give up and quit despite getting so close because they've managed to let the negative rather than the positive aspects get to them so much so it pushes them to the brink of insanity. Ultimately, it sometimes all boils down to is a matter of luck and not to mention the right tools at their disposal. In the end, no matter how long it takes you just have to keep digging and panning then sifting through until you eventually discover all the bright rich elements you've been hoping to find in that certain someone special who'll have a heart of gold.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

See You Again

Henry David Thereau once said, ~On the death of a friend, we should consider that the fates through confidence have devolved on us the task of a double living, that we have henceforth to fulfill the promise of our friend's life also, in our own, to the world.~ Let me as you this question, what are the character traits of a best friend? Essentially, character traits such as trustworthiness, loyalty, being non-judgmental, sticking with you through thick and thin, dependability, listens to you vent, etc. are considered to be a number of ways that best describes an immensely beloved individual called a friend or in this particular case a best friend. You see, for those who had the privilege to have gotten to know Michael "Biggie" Rawlings they have their own personal stories concerning their friendship with him and I think it's safe to say we could all sit for hours on end sharing the good times along with the bad. Here is my story.

Without a doubt, the start of every friendship has a beginning and ours all began in the Summer of 98' at Fred G. Smalley Youth Center. Thinking about it further, I would be introduced to him when I was eventually assigned to Biggie's 10 & 11 age group and upon my first initial meeting with him he seemingly exuded a free spirited, charismatic, friendly charm. For it's those aforementioned character traits where he had the ability to welcome you in with open arms along with putting you in a comfortable sense of ease knowing full well the insane chaos I didn't know I was getting myself into. Of course, it would be 13 years of miraculously surviving the utterly insane personal, emotional, physical, and not to mention mental chaos known as The Insane Asylum all-the-while establishing a strong, cohesive bond with a guy who didn't just become my friend and former co-worker as he also became my brother.

As I said before, Biggie Rawlings wasn't just my friend and co-worker as he also became my brother. Granted, we were never blood related and despite that fact it didn't stop us from continually insulting, as well as arguing with each other as normal siblings do. For the most part, I've spent more time and hung out with him in the past 14 years than I did with my own brother. The Dynamic Duo is what we come to be known by others to the point where if either one of us saw someone usually from the Youth Center there first initial question he/she would ask where the other is. In addition, there would most definitely be a humorous point of contention between the two of us pertaining to who should be Batman because neither of us considered ourselves to be Robin. Needless to say, I disputed his claim to be The Caped Crusader by telling him he's incapable of scaling up past the 1st floor side of the building whereas he countered with how there is a height requirement being The Dark Knight.

January 11th 2017 marks the 3 year anniversary and the day where family/friends paid respects to a son, brother, friend, and/or former co-worker. Yet, it wouldn't be the standard funeral as myself and few others wore wrestling shirts instead of suits in his honor. As I recall, that whole week from January 4th-10th I was able to hold myself together until the funeral on the 11th. While sitting there in the front row, I felt all the emotions that I held in come tearfully pouring out and it was a sense of therapeutic release because beforehand I didn't really deal with it. In any case, I was the first to speak and I shared several things one of them being that 2 days after he passed away I nearly texted him because Jake "The Snake" Roberts showed up on a old school edition of WWE RAW, which is a moment that made a deeply emotional impact knowing what I was about to do.In hindsight, I appreciated all the texts, phone calls, and Facebook messages I received from people who were concerned about me during that whole week.

In retrospect, when you've spent so much time with a guy you've deemed a brother as I have you know things. If you think about it, the things that seem insignificant are now in a way meaningful such he's the type of a guy who's a die hard Miami Dolphins/Hurricanes fan, is a huge fan of Prince, liked Dr. Pepper, a lifelong pro wrestling fan, and he didn't have a drivers license due to a somewhat reasonable fear of driving. However, one of the things that stands out and those who know him can attest to this is that he never really liked wearing underwear. According to him, he found it cumbersome and freely admitted it to the point where there were conversions with myself and others on why wearing underwear was a considerable hassle. Hey, it's part of who Biggie was in his own unique way. In the end, I along with many others will have Biggie in mind on this particularly solemn day and we all know we will see you again, which is a song from the movie Fast 7 performed by Whiz Khalifa featuring Charlie Puth.

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

A Year To Forget (Last Yodaism of 2016)

Brooks Atkinson once said, ~Drop the last year with the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.~ Without a doubt, 2016 is considered to be The most heartbreaking, unbelievable, and not to mention shocking year indeed to the point where a MIB neuralyzer would be very much needed in wiping away any memory of its existence. Thinking about it further, its an existence where part of one's own childhood has been taken one by one and the year long presidential election was tortuous beyond belief. I think its safe to say there is general consensus among everyone that this year has taken a toll on us personally, mentally, as well as emotionally.

As I said before, 2016 is considered to be THE most heartbreaking, unbelievable, and not to mention shocking year indeed where a MIB neuralyzer would be very much needed in wiping away any memory of its existence. Sadly, 2016 took no prisoners and didn't stop in taking the livesof such legends starting with Ziggy Stardust otherwise known as David Bowie. Unfortunately, little did any of us know that Bowie was just the beginning of the seemingly personal childhood onslaught where a number of legendary musicians/singers/producers, athletes, and actors who many of us grew up with up are now gone. Alan Rickman, Aton Yelchin, Prince, Gene Wilder, Florence Henderson, Muhammad Ali, George Michael, Motorhead's Lemmy, Alan Thicke, Kenny Baker, and just announced earlier today Carrie Fisher.

Speaking of Kenny Baker and Carrie Fisher, their deaths are and still remain unbelievably heartbreaking and shocking because of the deep connection to Star Wars. Personally speaking, my introduction to Star Wars was at the very young age 6 watching Empire Strikes Back. You see, even though my all time favorite character is Yoda, Princess Leia along with R2D2 hold a special place in my heart. For it's a sad state of affairs when the announcement of the actor who portrayed R2 Kenny Baker passed away causing a tremendous impact amongst the Star Wars fandom. However, the biggest impact thus far was the shocking news of Carrie Fisher suffering cardiac arrest during a flight and then her unfortunate passing left many fans including feeling completely heartbroken.

If you think about it, this year's presidential campaign was something resembling an utter circus and I'm not referring to the fun kind either. Essentially, it was a year where a bunch of circus clowns rather than potential candidates attempted to say and/or do anything to garner the nation's votes. Granted, it was considerably entertaining to a certain extent only to get more mind numbingly annoying and tortuous beyond belief so much so you wondered how ridiculous it would get. The question would certainly be answered when Trump and Clinton became the final 2 candidates leading to a nasty divide among voters giving way to a much nastier divide by way of verbal/physical assaults once Trump won inevitably becoming the President Elect.

In retrospect, the year that now shall not be named has had so many moments you want to forget such as the Dallas/Orlando shootings, the Clinton email scandal, Zika virus, all the protests happening, etc. Yet, there has been some things that have happened this year that have brought mostly everyone together one of which is the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series after a 108 year drought. In any case, I'm sure I can speak for everyone else when I say we as individuals are looking forward or in this particular case urging 2017 to get here soon and hope nobody else falls at the hands of the year that shall not be named. In the end, it has gotten to the point where enough is enough where we'll collectively and happily say good riddance because it truly is a year to forget.

Sunday, December 18, 2016

A New Hope

Felicity Jones' Rogue One character Jyne Erso once said, ~We have hope. Rebellions are built on hope.~ If you think about it, the Star Wars story Rogue One's theme of hope and matters of the heart are most definitely synonymous with each other in the sense there is an rebellion of sorts in fighting to regain both after experiencing being metaphorically broken by a past relationship or a number of relationships. True, hope can certainly be taken away to the point where there is an inner struggle to fight in every sense of the word for any sort of peace that it hauntingly resonates in one's own dreams. A fight filled with doubt, anger, confusion, hatred, fear, disappointment, utter contempt, frustration, bitterness, etc. that most assuredly can take it's toll mentally, emotionally, physically, and not to mention spiritually as well. Essentially, there is a mindset in which one can give up on it entirely due to not wanting to face the odds that are absolutely overwhelming or continue fighting on no matter the odds you find yourself facing right in front of you.

Without a doubt, Jyne Erso is an angry and frustrated rebel who didn't take any side after being abandoned at the age of 16 by her former guardian Saw Guerrera whereby her only allegiance has been to herself. Of course, one of the ways she's been able to survive was to simply not look up and ignore the dark and gritty reality of her surroundings. Thinking about it further, when it comes to living the single life one can attain an "I am my only ally" mentality rebelling with angry frustration against the helpful advice of friends, family, and even ourselves in regards to surviving at times the dark, as well as gritty reality of the dating scene. For it's seemingly an easy enough situation indeed to just keep our head or in this particular case heart down in order to constantly avoid the pain of utter heartbreak. However, as easy as it may seem how long can any individual keep their heart down, in a manner of speaking, until you look up one day and notice there is a potential sign of hope that was once lost?

As I said before, hope can certainly be taken away to the point where there is an inner struggle to fight in every sense of the word for any sort of peace that it hauntingly resonates in one's own dreams. It's an incredibly painful state of affairs for any individual in suddenly finding one's self confronting part of an unresolved past like Jyne reuniting with her father. Unfortunately, it wouldn't be a happy reunion between father and daughter as Galen Erso dies during a rebellion attack in the planet of Eadu. Yet, at the same time it's her father's death that is considered to be the pivotal motivating factor that brings about a revitalized sense of hopeful resolve for Jyne to confront head on in what she's been hiding/running away from. Oftentimes, being able to confront head on unresolved past relationship issues one's been rebelling against for months/years that it dies a quintessential death is considered to be a pivotal moment for any person needing/wanting some much needed closure to move forward regarding their own true happiness.

Let me ask you this question to those who have seen Rogue One, what was your favorite scene? I think it's safe to say there's a number of faves that stick out and are considerably memorable. Personally speaking, none stick out more specifically than scenes involving Donnie Yen's character Chirrut Imwe. A character who verbally repeated a steadfast belief in not only being one with the force, but having the force with him. Of course, his introduction in Jedha was quite literally kickass and his unfortunate heroic demise after flipping the switch near the end in Scarif is in some ways a representation of how a strong, worthwhile relationship is at times or should be. In other words, there comes a point in the force of love/true you have to sometimes walk in rebellious blind faith while placing/putting your trust in your own version of Baze Malbus in keeping each other's thoughts, feelings, and/or emotions safe from harm. What it primarily comes down to is having an unwavering hope and belief in one another no matter the ensuing chaos happening around the both of you.

In retrospect, never give up the fight in one day experiencing a strong, worthwhile relationship knowing full well it's going to be an extremely tough battle in order to get there. Granted, there will be moments where it can feel as if the dark side of the single life makes it's presence known with lightsaber in hand to brutally destroy you without any mercy whatsoever. Let me tell you something, don't allow it to by continuing to rebel against it and you'll be able to survive the struggle long enough to get where you most want to be gradually bringing back the smile that once was lost. You see, what it takes is having/getting key information such as trust, respect, honesty, patience, intimacy, understanding, contentment, communication, etc. that is considered to be vitally important from a rogue one rebel who made the ultimate sacrifice, so to speak, in potentially turning the tide for a better future for yourself. In the end, the rogue one rebel in question may or may not be your best friend for life, but his/her effort will not be forgotten giving you a new hope within your heart.

Monday, December 12, 2016

Treat You Better

Don Miguel Ruiz once said, ~If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn't walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want. You will find that you don't need to trust yourself to make the right choices.~ Without a doubt, this year alone at least 10 million men and women who have suffered in an abusive relationship. On a typical day, there's on average of 20,000 phone calls placed to abuse hotlines nationwide. With that said, every person should most definitely be treated with loving and caring respect, especially when it involves matters of the heart. Unfortunately, that isn't the case as a number of individuals suffer mental, emotional, and/or physical abuse at the hands of someone who supposedly loved him/her.

Let me ask you this question to those who have been in a mentally abusive relationship, how hard a toll was it on your self-esteem and self worth? I think it's safe to say it's a mentally tortuous and not to mention dangerous situation indeed as the abuser uses their own jealousies to attain a sense of sadistic mental control on one's significant other. As I said before, said abuser can certainly utilize their own insecure jealousies to their advantage, so to speak, in having him/her question the people he/she socializes with like family, friends, and/or mere acquaintances. Speaking of mere acquaintances, jealousy can be doubly dangerous when interacting with someone of the opposite sex. Thinking about it further, it can certainly be a form of Stockholm Syndrome in which he/she is all intense and purposes mentally locked within himself/herself to the point where it pushes one to the brink of insanity whereby their own self-esteem and self worth metaphorically takes a tremendous hit.

If you think about it, mental and emotional abuse are closely connected/associated with each other. Essentially, its similar in a way that both deal in a form of memories and emotions than can run very deep psychologically. Oftentimes, its slight manipulation in the form of subtle shaming or out right bullying by constant verbal criticism. Women, more so than men, fall victims to so called "gentlemen" who target any kind of insecurities for their own morbid pleasure. It's those particular insecurities/issues women haven't been able to or refused to deal with for quite some time. Sadly, negative coping mechanisms such as denial, anger, fear, doubt, etc. can lead to a possible eating disorder, body issues, and/or whatever the case may be for any woman who is unable to escape their own personal nightmarish hell. You see, it's those particular issues that are deemed highly and deeply emotional, as well as extremely sensitive so much so it's a type of control that is so overwhelmingly powerful it will literally bring them to their knees.

For the question can be asked to those who suffered in a physically abusive relationship, were you utterly afraid to tell someone because the added combination of mental/emotional abuse left you broken in such a way you wanted to be heard by someone or anyone for that matter who is willing to listen and be believed? True, it can be quite difficult for those suffering from physical abuse at the hands of a supposed loved one in trying to leave knowing there is that unfortunate mindset of not having the inner strength to truly break free. Promises and apologies can be made to never be physically harmed by him/her only to be broken. Yet, that inner strength is there and all it ever takes is for the cries for help to be heard by someone who is willing to help in any way, shape or form. Granted, fear may be a catalyst in breaking free but once that fear is conquered there's no stopping you. So, who was there for as your unwavering support when you needed help the most in leaving an abusive relationship?

Someone said, ~Don't hold on to someone because you think there will be no one else. You've got to believe in yourself and that you are worth more than repeatedly hurt by someone who doesn't really care, believe that someone will see what you are really worth and treat you the way you should be treated.~ In retrospect, don't ever waste your time or tears on the wrong ones who puts you into situations where you have found/find yourself mentally, emotionally, and/or physically drained that you just want it to stop causing you to lose the smile on your face. What it primarily comes down to is having someone you've been missing out on who'll tell the truth instead of lies finally waking you up to a relationship that is completely different from anything you've ever experienced before. Unfortunately, it's a unknown whether that person has the ability to stop time or the sign your shown that he/she is actually the one; but trust me when I say he/she will give you a better future to look forward to inevitably giving your smile back. In the end, be patient because the right person you want/waiting for is out there and has the capacity to treat you better in every sense of the word, which is song by a former Vine cover artist now U.S. Billboard 200 sensation Shawn Mendes.

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Strange Kind of Love

Marvel movie character The Ancient once said, ~You think you know how the world works. You think this material universe is all there is. What if I told you the reality you know is one of many.~ In some aspect, matters of the heart and Marvel movie character Dr. Strange are synonymous with each other. How and in what way? You see, in the movie a physically Broken Dr. Stephen Strange would be introduced to a whole new reality or several different realities when he was able to fully open his mind to infinite possibilities. Thinking about it further, one can be metaphorically broken regarding bad past relationships and it can most definitely take an arduous journey to someday suddenly finding one's self standing in front of someone who is somehow able to fully open a world of infinite possibilities within an individual's heart.

Without a doubt, a person can certainly feel as if they're metaphorically broken when experiencing the pangs of utter heartbreak instead of physically broken like in the case of Dr. Stephen Strange. For it's a tough and frustrating situation indeed to heal up in every sense of the word as the pain felt is a haunting reminder of what has been taken from you. The emotion, mental, and not to mention the personal turmoil one goes through in order to want to resume the life you've been living before having your heart broken and then being given/offered another chance. Essentially, it's a chance to be fully open and accepting of infinite possibilities never before seen or felt within your heart, which can surely be treated with tremendous amounts of doubt, as well as skepticism.

If you think about it, there is something strangely odd and mystifying, in a manner of speaking, when you're being gradually open to countless possibilities when it comes to meeting someone who has the uncanny ability in turning your world within your heart upside down, inside out, and sideways in a positive way of course. As I said before, there is at first tremendous amounts of doubt and skepticism concerning a too good to be true mindset involving a particular guy/girl in question. Oftentimes, it can be quite difficult to break that unfortunate mindset, but when it is the immense impact of that sudden realization is in some ways feels like a trippy out of body experience. So, how many of you are have felt or presently feeling the immense impact of someone truly special so much so it's as if you're having an out of body experience?

Let me ask you this question regarding the pivotal time loop scene to save the world between Dr. Strange and Dormammu near the end of the movie, when it comes to the world within your heart has it ever felt like you've been in all intense and purposes stuck in a endless time loop of heartbreak? True, to experience that type of continuous loop of bad past relationship can push any person to the brink of insanity. I think it's safe to say that for a number of people they would so want to have the time loop of sadness, anger, doubt, fear, frustration, bitterness, bitterness, cynicism, etc. be broken and finally be free of the past. Trust, patience, understanding, patience, contentment, hope, intimacy, commitment, etc. is considered to be an endless time loop relationship those living the single life like myself would so worth being caught in.

In retrospect, there are so many dimension within a person's heart that are still yet to be discovered, especially when love/true is involved. True, all it ever takes is the ability to quintessentially conjure up thoughts, feelings, and emotions that delve much deeper instead of stopping at the surface because of being too afraid that it's not what you signed up for. In other words, breaking the barrier walls keeping you from fully accepting a possibly magical future with your best friend for life. What it primarily comes down to is being able to have a strong connection with a guy/girl who may or may not potentially be on the same astral plane as you are. In the end, the thing about true happiness is we all wield untapped powers within our own heart and when each of us ultimately stand in front of our very own version of the Ancient those powers will awaken that strange kind of love.

Saturday, October 29, 2016

Good Game

Someone once said, ~Life is like a game of UNO; no one knows how long its gonna last.~ If you think about it, life and the game of UNO are synonymous with each other in the sense that it's truly a seemingly ongoing game of unpredictability, especially when it's against life itself. For its most definitely an unpredictable game indeed as our hopes, goals, dreams, aspirations, etc. are in all intense and purposes shuffled around then dealt to us in a such a way they can either be for or against us. True, like the game of UNO there is an absolute unknown of when we're going to reach/achieve what each one of us are striving for until that golden opportunity of metaphorically holding in our hand the one final card we've been anxiously waiting to place it down for the win.

Let me ask you this question in regards to playing the game of UNO, what is one of cards that has the ability turn your life upside down and every which way? If you answered the wild card you'd be correct. Why you may ask? Thinking about it further, life can throw down a wild card on us personally, in a manner of speaking, whereby instantly throwing us off our focus on the game we're all individually playing. Essentially, the wild card can certainly have many representations one of them being diagnosed with cancer. Granted, nobody wants to have that particular UNO card placed down in front of us; but with encouraging support of friends and family by one's side they'll help in being a great motivator in making it to the end whenever that may be on your own terms.

As I said before, playing UNO can be an ongoing game of unpredictability to the point where the possibility of mixed emotions can very well be experienced such as angered frustration. You see, there are times when playing the game against our most toughest opponent known as life that it places cards down in order to test how much patience we have and not to mention our overall attitude. In other words, there are moments when you think things are seemingly going your way career wise until something happens that causes your positive outlook to unfortunately reverse negatively then finding yourself drawing double the circumstances to where it feels as if it keeps continually adding up 4 times as much. I think it's safe to say we've all been there to where it pushes you to brink of absolute insanity.

Without a doubt, we've all been skipped on while playing the game of UNO because it's just how the game is played. For the most part, it's a well played tactic used to get the advantage to not only get more chances putting into play not only your own cards, but quite possibly adding more cards to their opponent's hand as well. In any case, do you remember how it felt being skipped? Disappointed? Frustrated? Impatient? Angry? Oftentimes, there is the belief that when it comes to those living the single life those same feelings previously mentioned can fester over time leading to that innate mindset of always being skipped over in matters pertaining to love/true. So the question remains, how many times do you believe you've been skipped in the true happiness department?

Someone said, ~Like the game of UNO, no matter what happens in life whether you win or lose keep playing the game even if it's just for fun.~ In retrospect, we're all are playing the UNO cards we're dealt with and even though it may seem we're not getting the one's that matter most we do our best in hopes the game somehow turns in our favor. Hey, it's that competitive spirit that makes the UNO game of life intensely fun, crazy, and at times insanely unpredictable. Ultimately, keep playing to the end and whatever unexpected situations happen during the game itself don't quit or you'll experience missed opportunities you weren't able to keenly notice. In the end, when it's all said done and about to place the last UNO card down for the final time whenever that will be one can hopefully say while looking back on a life well spent with a satisfying smile the following two words: good game.